growingupgambills


Bittersweet 
January 22, 2017, 10:37 pm
Filed under: Family Life

This popped up on my Shutterfly feed from four years ago. Through the eyes of a mom to special needs/medically fragile kiddos, sometimes these “time hop” reminders are more bitter than sweet. We see what a child could do just last year, but now cannot, we see, and more vividly, feel the loss of missed milestones, the missing of certain things that others take for granted. But today, as this popped up, I smiled. Sollie was just a couple days old. His seizures had not started, he drank his bottle like a champ, his body was not stiff with the effects of his missing brain, no trach, no shunt, no gtube, no oxygen, no suction, no cough assist, no percussion vest, no pulse oximeter… just a baby with half a brain, being held and loved and looking very much like a “typical” baby. And while we do mourn the lost things that many of our kids will never do, the current that holds us up is joy that they are HERE with us now. Sollie has the sweetest gaze, he looks for his daddy the second he walks in the door, he loves his movies, he arches so that we will pick him up, he is HERE now and we are grateful. What an incredible gift to know your time on earth is limited. We all technically know this, but a couple of my kids keep this fact front and center in our minds. I think that is why so many children like Sollie are aborted, we are scared of suffering, both theirs, but more of our own. We want to control everything, and so we think we are being “merciful” when we snuff out the life that is not up to our timeframe, or up to our expectations. Sollie has taught us to love and endure in ways I did not think were possible. We would have missed out on so much if he had not been allowed to live. What are we missing as a society when we eliminate or instutionalize these children? I shutter to make that realization. We fool ourselves into believing we are in control and we can escape suffering. How highly we must think of ourselves that we can control even the slightest breeze, let alone suffering. And what pressure do we live under trying to bear a weight that was never meant for us? Solomon has been more like a hurricane rather than a breeze, but he has never ever been a regret or a burden. Love does that if you let it, makes you embrace a life that simultaneously terrifies you. It makes you hop on a plane with three days notice to go get a baby with half of his brain, but a giant loving soul who seeps sweetness from every pore. 

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1 Comment so far
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What can I say as your mom– I admire you and thanks to you and Doug for adopting Sollie– he has blessed my life. And you express what we are all going through tobdiffering degrees. Love you!

Sent from my iPhone

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Comment by lymckown27




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